A question of etiquette

[shewhomust]

For some reason, the pool was very busy this morning. It's half-term, but the parents with children were starting to arrive as we left, so I don't know if that has any relevance. Nonetheless, busy, with lots of unfamiliar faces. The staff had put out the board that marks off the lanes occupied by the University, but not the boards that label the two public lanes as 'slow' and 'fast' (or 'medium' and 'fast' or any other combination; this is always a bit random), define the direction of swim and have some - probably unnecessary - advice about being considerate of other swimmers in your lane.

Inevitably, the regulars in the 'slow' lane were joined by several faster swimmers. Because the adjacent lane, and the open part of the pool were also busy, it wasn't easy to keep to the side and let people pass, and in any case, it's always easier just to give way at one end or other of the pool (do I need to spell out that I am always the one giving way, the slowest of the slow?). There was one young woman whose timing seemed to clash with mine: a couple of times I reached the end of the pool to find her pausing there, but instead of setting off just before I arrived, she waited until I started to turn and then swam off ahead of me. Oh, well, these things happen. Likewise, a couple of times she came up fast behind me so that I found myself pushed aside at the turn by someone I hadn't known was there. Can't be helped. But my reaction to what follows may have been coloured by this awkwardness of timing.

Swimming away from the deep end, I felt a gentle fizzing in the water, and looked down to see the same woman swimming rapidly below me, overtaking from beneath. It was neatly done, but I was disconcerted, felt that this was a bit - a bit intimate, so to speak. A couple of lengths later she did it again, this time closer to the shallow end of the pool, and I automatically held back to give her clearance (which may not have been necessary; it was an immediate, unconsidered response). This time I was shaken enough to stop.

I waited for her at the end of the pool, and when she returned asked her not to do it again; she was perfectly pleasant: "Oh, did it upset you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you... I thought it was fun, just to dip down..." She didn't do it again, though she continued diving low when we passed side by side.

So the question is, am I being over-sensitive? The more I think about it, the more I feel that "I thought it was fun..." isn't good enough, that you don't get to have fun with total strangers without asking them first. But the pool dissolves certain barriers...

Comments

[sam-t.livejournal.com]

I think it would depend on whether she meant "I thought it would be fun for both of us" or "I thought it would be fun for me and wouldn't affect you". Neither is an excuse for continuing once you're aware it does affect the other person, of course.

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

I hadn't thought of that - but I'm pretty sure she meant the latter.

[sam-t.livejournal.com]

In that case I would be perturbed by the actual action and cross because she was being thoughtless but I wouldn't find it creepy. The line for me is whether she was deciding that something would be fun for me without consulting me (which I would find creepy).

(This is not to say you're being over-sensitive, I'm just pulling apart my (hypothetical) reactions)

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

I don't think you're being over-sensitive. She was crowding you, and placing her convenience and wishes over yours without thinking about how she might affect you. The turning problem could have been dangerous, if she had collided with you our if one of you had struck the side hard.

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

Thank you - you may be overstating the case, but it helps me to clarify what I think, which is the object of the exercise!

[karinmollberg.livejournal.com]

I find her action completely creepy besides possibly dangerous. It would have made me angry but then, I´m not that cool a person. Wherefore I admire your balanced but clear reaction!

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

'Creepy' is exactly the word I needed - thank you!

[puddleshark.livejournal.com]

It's the sort of thing I might have done as a child, taking so much joy in swimming underwater that other swimmers were only seen as obstacles.

Perhaps someone with Aspergers who has trouble understanding social boundaries?

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

I think you were right first time - it's a 'young person' thing. She wasn't *that* young, but this is a student city, and you get used to being invisible to groups of young people involved in each other, not the wider world. This felt extreme, but maybe just an extreme case of something not in itself unusual...

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

The "I thought it was fun" sounds a lot like a bully saying, "Can't you take a joke?" She was being a jerk, and trying to show you that she was better than you are. She may be a faster swimmer, but she's shown you she is not better than you are.

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

That's a fair interpretation of her words, but not of how she said it. I think she was being a jerk, but only of the thoughtless variety: I really don't think she noticed me enough to show off to me!

But thanks for your support - I do appreciate it...